So I married a Luddite

1431

I love technology. I am a bona fide nerd.

Having straddled both the 20th and 21st centuries in almost equal measure, I can fully appreciate the benefits that exponential innovation has delivered to mankind.

I remember calling friends on a landline and meeting at a subscribed place and time. I remember dragging my ABBA vinyl LPs to a party to spin on the gramophone (Ok, maybe I’m not that old) I remember going to the bank on a Friday and withdrawing enough cash for the weekend. Ah, the good old days – not bloody likely !

These days, friends and family can track my real-time geo-location within metres to herald my arrival. I carry thousands of tracks around in the “cloud” and can access them at any time. I no longer need to carry cash, indeed not even a wallet as I can pay for virtually everything with my phone.

Driverless cars, drones that deliver pizza, biometrics, imminent space travel, 2017 is the place to be my friend !

Unless of course, you are David Oldfield.

Having observed my husband David at close quarters for 17 years, I am convinced he’d be more at home with the Amish than with me (admittedly, I am a bitch)

Even though ATMs have been part of civilisation since the 1970s, David has never used one “too complicated, too impersonal” he guesses.

Many years ago, when I first installed wi-fi in our apartment, David’s reaction was one of abject horror. He ran frantically around the apartment shutting windows out of fear that “our internet might get out” (I wish I was joking).

Recently, on delivery of his new Mercedes, he was dismayed to find that the vehicle did not come with a CD player (hooray ! no more Steely Dan or Jackson Browne !) When I offered to install iTunes and upload his music to his iPhone, his incredulous response was “Why would anyone want to put music on their telephone ?”

David still prides himself on buying “DVDs on sale !” – no matter that we could stream the same movie on Netflix at no charge and that the kids now have “another silver Frisbee” to add to their collection. Nope, when David comes home with such classics as “Weekend at Bernies” or “Ishtar” you can be guaranteed he’ll be as proud as punch and all logical and financial arguments are immediately null and void.

Not that David doesn’t appreciate the fact I can summon any movie, TV show or music in the known world with a couple of fell swipes. Indeed I remember him looking at me with a mix of wonder and awe (like when the Aztecs first sighted Cortes and his Conquistadors and thought them “white gods”) when I set up AppleTV (don’t tell him you just plug it in and click “next” a dozen times).

But slowly and surely, we are dragging him in to the 21st Century. He can use “The Google” and will often impart facts and figures he “got off the computer”.

To his credit, he can now use email (typing at 3 words per minute with 2 fingers and his tongue hanging out of his mouth) He was most delighted to learn they deliver emails on weekends !

And our 6 year old helps him send the odd Tweet on Twitter so he can be alerted to when Skynet takes over the world and enslaves the human race.

Perhaps you think I am being unkind and I should cut the old bloke some slack ? But I’m forever looking towards the future, anticipating the next thought-saving, labour-saving device and can’t understand why my husband won’t embrace technology.

And don’t feel too bad, there is no way that Luddite will find this article on “the Interwebs”.