Prepping 101 – Surviving catastrophe with finesse and panache

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Have you ever considered what you might do if the shit hit the fan ? How would you survive a catastrophic event like a terrorist attack ? a pandemic disease ? zombie apocalypse ? Athena X Levendi and Nicole O’Neil clashing about the size of their diamonds ?

I’ve posed this question to many of my friends and the resounding theme to their responses is that they are ill-prepared – here’s an example;

“I’d just wait it out at home” said Kyle – Really ? How much food have you got stored ?

“Oh well I’d just go the shops” – Nope, the shops have been looted and the streets are filled with frightened/panicked hordes.

“Oh fuck ! Well I’ll just die then” – Correct answer. Now you’re thinking Kyle !

Spam WallCall me smug as I sit here in my bunker surrounded by 5,000 cans of SPAM and 30,000 rounds of ammunition – I even have emergency rations stored for my pets and view them as potential food stuffs, but dear reader we’ll need to repopulate the Earth after Armegeddon, so here are a few tips to ensure your personal survival come Doomsday.

My survivalist mantra is “Weapons, Water, Food” you need to secure these three survival elements, in that order, if you’re going to avoid the walking dead nom nom noming on your grey matter.

Weapons. No you don’t need to be John Rambo armed with an M60, but you will need to protect yourself from folk trying to get their ill-prepared mitts on your food and water and secure your safety and property.

My personal favourite is a baseball bat (embedded with a couple of nine inch nails is a nice touch, but that is just preference) A baseball bat is convenient and has considerable ass kicking merit. It’s handy, safe, highly efficient with full swing…can also work well in close quarters, potential to be lethal, doesn’t run out of ammunition. If I’ve offended your sensibilities, I apologise, but in my view it is always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6 !

Water. We can survive 3 weeks without food, but 3 days without water and we’re pretty much fucked. Bottled water has a shelf life of about a year. For drinking and cooking purposes you’ll need four litres per person per day. Much more if you don’t want to smell like the reanimated corpses pawing at your door.

Food. You’ll need to maintain your strength and sensibilities as society collapses around you. My tip is to store foods that are part of your normal diet – rice, noodles, pasta (yes I know, I’m the only Real Housewife that eats carbs, but hey I’ll also be the only one that survives) and rotate them on a regular basis. Honey is a brilliant food to store, it never expires and is a great source of energy. Canned goods such as vegetables and the dreaded Spam are also key to maintaining a healthy diet when in situ for long periods of time. Whatever you do, don’t forget a can opener !

My tip is to store 3 months worth of food per person. This will provide ample time for a pandemic to run its’ course, armed forces to take out the bad guys or for zombies to have rotted away to bone and sinew.

Other key essentials to consider (and we’ll cover this off in another blog) are first aid kits, UHF/VHF radios, alternative power sources, cooking off the grid and much more.

I will take no joy (ok, well maybe a little) if the world is repopulated by just me and my family and close friends (admittedly, it would be fabulous) but you owe it to yourself, your loved ones and the survival of mankind (no pressure) to at least consider some of my friendly advice.

Happy surviving !

Love Lisa xxx